“What signifies knowing the names, if you know not the nature of things.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
Ben and I were walking into the grocery store last week. He loped along beside me in signature Ben gate, clutching my right hand with his left. I could feel the thumb he’d plucked from his mouth sliding through my palm. “Hup, hup, hup!”, he called as we walked. We selected our shopping cart and I lifted him up and into the front seat. As I buckled him in, he grabbed my face in his hands and gave me a big unprompted kiss. “Mwwwaaaa!”
I wrapped my arms around him and then brought my forehead to his. “Who loves you?”, I asked him, initiating a practiced banter between us. “YOU do!”, he replied. “How much?”, I asked. “Sooooo much!!”, he completed the drill.
“YOU do!“, I replayed his words in my mind as I pushed the cart along. I wondered, curiously, does he know my name?
“Hey Ben, who loves you?”, I ask again.
“YOOU do!”, he bellows, supposing it’s a new game.
“Who’s YOU?”, I ask.
“Huh?” His response is appropriate.
“What’s my name?”, I clarify.
“Maaah-uh-meee,”, he guffaws. “You’re silly. You are Mommy!”
Of course! How could I forget. I wake up to a chorus reminding me each morning – “Mommy! Mommy! Mooooomy!!!”
My ‘name’ precedes 90% of what is said throughout the day. “Mommy! Can I – “ “Mommy! He —-!!” “Mommy! I want…!” “Mommy! I need…!”
And follows a good portion of the remaining 10%… “Please Mommy!!” “Help me Mommy!!” “Where aaaaree you Mommy!!”
The boys compete in an ongoing shout out of Mommy and it’s variant, Mom, from sun up to sun down.
*
But there has been one sweet voice missing from the choir.
Grayson is working on her own timeline in most facets of language development, including the purposeful use of names.
There was a time when we yearned to hear the word Mommy or Daddy. Even once.
We waited.
We listened.
We prompted.
Hopeful exclamations, typical of new parents, followed us from infancy into toddler years. Saaay Dada! Saaaay Mama!
Drops offs and pick ups with therapists and teachers, times of Hello’s and Goodbye’s, were laced with opportunities for a break through. There were Pre-therapy prompts – “Say Bye Mommy!!”- I’d wave and smile, unfailingly, poised and ready for the moment I knew would one day come. And there were Post school day prompts as teachers gestured toward me – “Look, Grayson- who’s there!!” IIIIIt’s ________ !” I’d kneel to her level with arms wide open, smiling, eyebrows raised – ready again.
Grayson’s language came along, and eventually we did start to hear Mommy and Daddy. It was music to our ears.
But it always came in the form of an echolalic response to our promptings.
“Say Hi Mama!”, I’d sing. “Hi Mama”, she would repeat.
“Look, Daddy’s home! Say Hi Daddy!” “Say Hi Daddy”.
The words were there, but the meaning was still lost on her.
Nonetheless, it was progress and we were happy for it.
*
While we have seen dramatic changes in Grayson’s language over the years, her use of names has been slow in coming.
She very rarely uses her brothers names. And when she does, for the most part they have been interchangeable.
So have Josh and I.
We read a story to her every night, say prayers with her, and then say “Goodnight Grayson”. We prompt her response – “Goodnight _____”. The pause is emphatic and we supplement it with a physical cue (usually a touch to the shoulder). “Goodnight Mommy!”, she will complete the ritual and it’s lights out. If she is not paying close attention, I may hear “Goodnight Daddy!” or Josh may hear, “Goodnight Mommy!” She is affectionate and intensely connected with us, but titles – our names – have seemed inconsequential to her.
Until lately.
Over the past several months, we’ve had a new voice piping up in the choir.
We’re being summoned.
A high pitched Mooommy! has joined the ranks and vies to be heard.
Her requests are prefaced with a specific and loud address, by name. “Daddy! DAADDY! You want to make a bee-hole in the tree?”
Unprompted, preferences and dismissals are communicated, by name. “You want Daddy read a story? Goodnight Mommy!!” She gets it right.
It seems that something has clicked.
And she’s got us wrapped around her little finger.
Mooommy!!!
Daaaddy!!
That’s all it takes.
With these words, we’ll offer up the moon.














